Imago Relationship Therapy
The Mirroring Dialogue
Developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix & Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt
Overview
What is the Mirroring Dialogue?
Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT) focuses on transforming conflict into opportunities for healing and connection. One of its central tools is the Structured Dialogue — often called the Mirroring Dialogue.
It is designed to help couples slow down communication, ensure accurate listening, and build empathy and safety.
The purpose is not to agree with your partner — but to fully understand their internal experience.
The dialogue has three core steps:
Mirroring
Validation
Empathy
Reflect without interpretation or defense
1) Mirroring
Mirroring means reflecting back exactly what your partner said — without interpretation, correction, or defense.
Goals
Ensure the speaker feels heard
Prevent misunderstanding
Slow down reactive conversations
Structure
Speaker shares one short thought at a time
Listener mirrors back what they heard
Listener asks: "Is there more?"
Template
Speaker
"I felt really alone last night when you were on your phone during dinner."
Listener
"What I hear you saying is that you felt really alone last night when I was on my phone during dinner. Did I get that right?"
Speaker
"Yes, and it also made me feel like I wasn't important."
Listener
"So you also felt like you weren't important. Did I get that? Is there more?"
Overview
What is the Mirroring Dialogue?
Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT) focuses on transforming conflict into opportunities for healing and connection. One of its central tools is the Structured Dialogue — often called the Mirroring Dialogue.
It is designed to help couples slow down communication, ensure accurate listening, and build empathy and safety.
The purpose is not to agree with your partner — but to fully understand their internal experience.
The dialogue has three core steps:
Mirroring
Validation
Empathy
1) Mirroring
Reflect without interpretation or defense
Mirroring means reflecting back exactly what your partner said — without interpretation, correction, or defense.
Goals
Ensure the speaker feels heard
Prevent misunderstanding
Slow down reactive conversations
Structure
Speaker shares one short thought at a time
Listener mirrors back what they heard
Listener asks:"Is there more?"
Template
Listener says
"What I hear you saying is... Did I get that right?"
Example
Speaker:
"I felt really alone last night when you were on your phone during dinner."
Listener:
"What I hear you saying is that you felt really alone last night when I was on my phone during dinner. Did I get that right?"
Speaker:
"Yes, and it also made me feel like I wasn't important."
Listener:
"So you also felt like you weren't important. Did I get that? Is there more?"
2) Validation
Honor their experience — not necessarily agree with it
Validation communicates that your partner's experience makes sense from their perspective. It does not mean agreement — it simply means their experience is understandable.
Template
Listener says:
"That makes sense because..."
Example
Listener:
"It makes sense that you felt alone because we hadn't spent much time together that day and dinner is usually when we connect."
3) Empathy
Step into their world and name what they felt
Empathy involves imagining and naming the feelings your partner might have experienced. The speaker then confirms or gently corrects.
Template
Listener says:
"I imagine you might have felt..."
Example
Listener:
"I imagine you might have felt hurt and maybe even a little rejected."
Speaker:
"Yes, I felt hurt and also frustrated."
Complete Example
All three steps in action
Speaker:
"When you cancelled our plans on Friday, I felt really disappointed."
Mirror:
"What I hear you saying is that when I cancelled our plans on Friday, you felt really disappointed. Did I get that right?"
Speaker:
"Yes, because I had been looking forward to it all week."
Listener:
"So you had been looking forward to it all week. Is there more?"
Speaker:
"Yes, it also made me feel like I wasn't a priority."
Validate:
"That makes sense. If you were excited about the plans, it makes sense that cancelling would make you feel like you weren't a priority."
Empathy:
"I imagine you might have felt hurt and maybe a bit rejected."
Practice Template
Fill in the blanks
Use these sentence starters to practice the dialogue together.
Speaker Statement
"I feel ________ when ________ because ________."
Listener Mirror
"What I hear you saying is that you feel ________ when ________ because ________. Did I get that right?"
Listener Prompt
"Is there more?"
Validation
"That makes sense because ________."
Empathy
"I imagine you might have felt ________."
Practice Exercise
Try it together
Partner A shares a small frustration using the template. Partner B responds using all three steps. Then switch roles.
Partner A — Speaker
"I feel ________ when ________ because ________."
Partner B — Step 1: Mirror
"What I hear you saying is..."
Partner B — Step 2: Validate
"That makes sense because..."
Partner B — Step 3: Empathize
"I imagine you might have felt..."
Then switch roles.